I remember the words of one of my teachers, spoken several years ago, just as if I heard them yesterday. It was the day when we got our certificates as classical homeopaths. And to celebrate it, he let each of us draw a card from a stack on which was a symbol from the I Ging, the ancient Chinese system of self-discovery. When it was up to me, I drew "The Mountain". And he just smiled at me and said "Remember, you are the mountain. You are.". On others, he used many more words, but it was something in his eyes, that made this all necessary to understand.
Somehow I knew at that moment, that this was a quality that was all within me, that people coming to me with a need for help already knew I had, but which I sometimes wasn't sensing within me because I felt myself more like a butterfly. Flying around, unstable and feeling very often more like a caterpillar, frustrated when change doesn't happen fast enough.
At that moment I knew, that the quality I needed, to balance this tendency within me, was already there, waiting to be developed.
What is Self-Respect?
Looking up the Online Etymology Dictionary you will find that they define the term Self-Respect as:
"proper regard for the dignity of one's person"
and looking up Dignity you will find
c.1225, from O.Fr. dignete, from L. dignitatem (nom. dignitas) "worthiness," from dignus "worth (n.), worthy, proper, fitting" from PIE *dek-no-, from base *dek- "to take, accept" (see decent). Dignitary is first recorded 1672.
So self-respect is all about accepting yourself as worthy, proper, fitting.
How can you acquire such an acceptance of yourself? There are 2 ways to find this, and I have found that they are represented beautifully by 2 of the most powerful symbols of personal development - the mountain and the butterfly.
Now depending on your character, you might have a problem at times with one or the other. But I think it is vital to understand that, unless you are not able to express both qualities when it comes to change, you are not willing to grow self-respect for yourself and in the eyes of others.
1. The Mountain - You Have to Find an Unconditional Love for Yourself Within You.
Accepting yourself as being fine and ok is for a lot of people one of the hardest things to do. They have been told (especially in their early years) so many times, that they are not ok, that it is now hard for them to relearn themselves and to contradict the meaning of those people that try to form them a long time ago.
I won't say, this is an easy task. As I stated already at How to Love Yourself - the Master Key for Your Life learning to love yourself is the most important thing you should master in this life, and it is a life-long commitment towards growth and personal development.
Here are some simple steps to get you going:
Look out for small steps
Find things that are good about you each day.
Use a journal, where you write down each day, what good you did that day
Surround yourself with people who are really willing to help you develop
Try to get away from people who need you to be small, so they can look bigger
Look for an opportunity to help other people. Helping other people is one of the best ways to increase your own self-esteem.
All of this will build up the self-love that is necessary for you to become so strong in your foundation, that you will someday have the strength of a mountain within you.
At first, it will feel more like a tiny pebble, but step by step it will grow into a rock, then a hill and at last into a mountain of self-love that makes your character so unshakeable to all external negativity, that you then have the ability to adapt to change, whenever you want it or have to do it. And not when others want you to do it.
At times you need to be a mountain. Being strong in your foundation and unshakeable in your character. People should know that whatever you say, you mean it. You will walk your talk.
One of the biggest lessons you need to learn in the process of becoming a mountain is No Fu - The Warriors Way to Say No.
But this inner strength needs to be balanced by another quality within you, that is represented by a much smaller symbol, yet the inner strength of this is equal to that of the mountain - the Butterfly.
2. The Butterfly - You Have to Experience Yourself As Capable Through Times of Change
You need this quality for the times when you need to be able to adapt, to change your opinion, to let your foundation being shaken by circumstances.
Change is inevitable in this life. No matter how deep you sometimes want to hide from it, you cannot escape it. This life is all about change. And yes sometimes change feels painful. No doubt about it. But despite the pain, change is a necessity for any growth.
Unless you are willing to leave the circle of comfort that surrounds you, unless you are willing to do things that you have never done before and that by definition feel uncomfortable, you are not going to grow in any area of your life. Any change is giving birth to something new. And nearly any birth involves labor and pain.
A perfect representation is a butterfly evolving from a caterpillar.
A caterpillar that would not be willing to leave its comfy cocoon would die sooner or later. Fortunately, nature has implemented in its genes an automatic mechanism, that makes him go through the discomfort, the labor and pain of breaking the cocoon and evolving into a beautiful butterfly. A symbol of not only beauty but of growth and overcoming obstacles.
How can you develop the qualities of a butterfly within you?
Take a look at any change that you are currently in or that you see coming soon, and ask yourself: "If I go through these changes, what man will I be, once I've been gone through it". If you feel like a caterpillar right now, see yourself as a fully developed butterfly in the nearby future.
Once you know that these changes will make you become an even more beautiful butterfly, then embrace change and smile a lot, knowing that all labor and pain is not there to make your life harder, but to make you even more beautiful and strong.
Oh and by the way, remember that butterflies have wings, while caterpillars crawl. So again enjoy the discomfort, pain, and labor of change now, because it will help you to fly soon.
So remember for yourself, that within you there are already these 2 qualities. The mountain and the butterfly are already within you. You just need to remember them and express them. It is all about practice and repetition.
A piece of good advice is to feel inside you that mountain and that butterfly. Experience yourself as being those with all their innate qualities and then let them develop within you.
Become a Mountain, Who Is Able to Fly.
