Warning! This article could shake your whole world upside down. It is not meant for the faint hearted. Realizing the truth that is behind this article could lead you to a level of freedom and clarity that you would not believe to be possible. Yet the way to that level could be really frightening. You don’t need to be afraid though, since I will give you good advice to go through that dark route, but be warned, that this article could be dangerous for some of your most treasured belief systems.
So you think you know who you are, right? You’ve been around with yourself for more years than anyone else, so you should be the one to know you best.
And that might be true if you compare yourself with other people, but I am here to tell you straight in the face that you don’t have a clue who you really are. In fact, you may be so far from the truth, that you were talking about some stranger, whenever you were talking about you.
Let me explain.
Definition – The Basic Building Block of Our Mind
Our human brain functions through defining things and then comparing it to other related items. These 2 parts – Definition and Comparison – are so intertwined, that none could exist without the other.
What do I mean. If you take an object – let’s say an apple – you define this object as an apple by comparing it with other objects – like oranges, dogs or cars – and recognizing the differences between these. Then you compare it with other apples, and you find what they do have in common, in comparison to oranges, dogs and cars. Hence you are able to group things together and add a label to that definition called “apple”. And you do the same with all other objects.
This concept of defining things through comparing and then labeling is so essential for our human existence, that this mere act is described in the bible as one of the first acts of Adam, where he labeled all animals with their respective name (Genesis 2:19-20).
The Function of Doubt
So we already said, that the human mind can only define things through comparing it with others and then build a definition using a label by stating the differences.
So labels are shortcuts for you to remember that definition. And we take for granted, that these definitions are true. But are they true? What if you based your observations and therefore your comparison and your definition on false assumptions? What if you would take away everything to compare? What if none of that would be true, and you would have accepted something as true, that wasn’t based on reality but on illusion. What if you would start to doubt anything that you have believed to be true about yourself, for all those years.
A Painful Truth That Could Set You Free
I know this is a painful thought, and for sure a very frightening one. It could be so frightening, that people will do everything possible to defend their paradigms, their old beliefs. Why? Because the core function of our subconscious is to keep us from chaos, which we associate massive pain with. And not knowing who you are, could be one of the most chaotic, hence most painful realizations that you would ever face.
But the prize you could gain from passing this phase of chaos is tremendous. You will experience a level of freedom and peace that you would not believe possible before. All the false illusions that kept you bound will drop like dead flies. And you will walk so much more lightly, happier and relaxed through this world, that your life today will feel like walking with a giant stone on your shoulder. It will be like you were Atlas, having the world on your shoulder and then someone came by and took it off of your shoulders and send you on everlasting vacation.
Are you ready to drop the load and face the real truth?
Time to Get Into the Action Mode. 4 Steps to Rebuild Your Definition of Yourself.
1. Write Down Your Old Definitions
Write down whatever you would say “I am” to. What is your name, your gender, your job description, your hobbies, your likes and dislikes, your fears, addictions and everything that you believe adds up to what you now perceive as being you.
Example: Write down: “I am:”
- a male
- 43
- single
- a smoker
- poor in sports, math
- afraid of spiders
- weak in approaching women
- etc.
2. Use Doubt
For each label ask yourself: >“Is that really who I am? Or is it just a definition, a label I have accepted until now?”
Use doubt here creatively.
3. Find out, Whether It Is Beneficial
If you accepted it as a label, ask yourself, is this label, this definition beneficial for my further growth or not? Listen to your gut feeling. You know the answer deep inside. Learn to trust that intuition in your gut.
4. Create an Alternative Definition
If it is not beneficial, come up with an alternative Definition, that would excel your growth instead of keeping you down. Instead of “a smoker” you might call yourself “Smoking habit conqueror”; instead of “week in approaching women” you might call yourself “relaxed guy with women”.
>Say to yourself: “Up to this day I have been a …insert your old label. From now on, I am … insert your new label.
So you might say “Up to this day I have been a smoker. From now on, I am a Smoking Habit Conqueror”
At first this process will feel a bit like cheating. But stick with it for at least 30 days. Refuse to accept your old definition, and although you might at first feel like a fake, repeat your new definition to yourself. After a maximum of 30 days your subconscious has accepted the new definition as “real” and will be using this new definition on auto-pilot.
This part of you will be reborn. Then you are free to go with another redefinition.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post Patrick! I love the warning at the beginning because looking yourself square in the eye and finding out who that is, is most certainly not for the faint of heart! I love the focus on changing your definitions of who you are. Who we think we are we become.
@Justin: Who we think we are is just a temporary focus of attention into the unlimited sea of possibilities. We all heard of people doing fantastic things when in dangerous situations. Yet we often misunderstood that we don’t need dangerous situations to do these miraculous things. In these situations we only forget what we defined ourselves. Dangerous situations sweep away our limited thinking, because staying in our limited belief could possibly kill us or others. What if you would forget about your limits without a war or other threats around you?
Hey Patrick,
We can surely redefine ourselves as you propose it in this post, but what about stopping to define. “I am”, “I” being truly undefinable, there is only “am” left.
All the best,
Nicolas
@Nicolas: You are right, if we could stop defining we would elevate our experience into the omnipresent “am”, that means becoming one with everything. While I agree that this enlightened state is on some level desirable, I don’t think that it (for most of us) is easy to achieve and desirable in the first place. I truly believe that our mind was purposefully designed to be a defining machine. Because through the definition we become a creator. Yes we create the things we define. Quantum physics has stated that already. We define our world by observing and defining it. Particles indeed change to our definition. Therefore, although definition is an illusion, it is an illusion we should use to experience our powers and – maybe at the end of it, experience omnipotence. But I think that a conscious act of stopping to define is a bit unnatural and not even wanted by nature.
Hi Patrick,
Terrific article, as usual. I, for one, would be interested in a subsequent article that talks about the next phase. After 30 days, I wouldn’t want to continue to say, “up to this day I have been a smoker…” Thirty days is a good period to make a transition completely to the newly formulated definitions. In the smoking example, it is no longer a definition having anything to do with smoking. Rather it is more along the lines of “I am a healthy individual in body, mind and soul.”
I’m quite fond of structural tension charts, as first proposed by author Robert Fritz. Both parts of the smoking affirmation contain two opposite ends of a spectrum. If you placed the new positive affirmation at the top of a sheet of paper, and the old one at the bottom…you can then work yourself backwards with each step to take you from one to the other. I highly suggest checking out Fritz’s The Path Of Least Resistance. It’s a complicated read, but well worth the effort in my opinion. It was always part of my treasured library but seems to have been misplaced in my most recent house move.
Warm Regards,
Charley
@Charley Forness: The concept of starting with the end in mind and then working your way backwards along the steps you need to take to get there is an old concept, although I haven’t heard of Robert Fritz. I know it as an old time (but very efficient) management technique, that was as far as I’ve heard even used during WW2 by some generals.
I suggest 30 day just as a point to get you going into the direction of forming a habit. There will however come a time, where you will naturally feel, that the old habit has lost its power over you completely (and that could be well before the 30 days ending) and you only have to focus on the positive reframed part of the definition. That’s when your belief about your identity changed from someone who is struggling to build something new (i.e. “I am a Smoking-Habit-Conqueror”) to a relaxed knowing about your new identity (i.e. like your suggestion “I am a healthy individual in body, mind and soul”).
This goes along with the 4 Steps of Consciousness. Once you’ve reached unconscious competence, you don’t have to focus on repeating it any longer. Then I would focus on another area you would like to change.
Hi Patrick,
This article is refreshingly clear and a valuable reminder. I often find myself pausing to reevaluate my perception of who I am when there is inconsistency between who I want to be and who I am now. As you describe, words are just labels, but the way we personally define them is what really directs us.
In fact, as an artist, I come across this daily in my observational drawings. Drawings are made by remembering the direction and quality of what you are looking at and deciding where and how to place it on the paper. If I make marks based on assumptions and generalizations, which is easier and faster, rather than consciously focusing on what I observe, the drawing loses some of its veracity and strength. So my drawing practice reminds me daily, that I need to carefully review the direction and quality of who I am in order to live the life I aspire to. Your post reminded me of the truth that the drawing practice makes visible. I will re-evaluate one of my personal definitions and give it a 30 day run.
Great post, Patrick!
I will redefine one aspect of my life and “act as if” for the next 30 days. My drawing practice will remind me each day to
@bethvw: That is a great way of using this technique. Indeed drawing can focus you on what is really there, and you can make a conscious decision, what you want to draw from then, since by definition you as an artist define through your strokes the qualities of the object you see. For you drawing yourself (self-portrait) could also be a viable option to detect definitions you might not be aware before, since your drawing reveals more of how you perceive yourself than a photo or a self-describtion.
I also love the image leading your post!
Beautiful post Patrick. The act of writing down self labeling and truly question oneself works great for those who never pay attention to who they end up being. Once we realized our shortcomings, only then can we work on improving it. Before finding a solution for a problem, you must first identify the problem.
@Karlil: But shortcomings could also be a mislabeling for yourself. Who told you, that it is a shortcoming in the first place? Example: You might think of “being lazy” as a shortcoming, but that “being lazy” has a function in your life. So you could work on it (i.e. become more productive by several ways) or take a look, why you labeled yourself that way. Maybe you aren’t lazy, but lazy behavior was just one way from you unconscious of showing you, what you don’t want to do. Are you lazy with things, that you are passionate about?
So be careful with defining your “shortcomings”. They might actually be your “strengths”.
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