And it is the same with you – your primary directive in life is to take care of you. Now that doesn’t mean to be egotistical, but if you neglect your own well-being, how can you serve your friends. Like it’s always stated in the airline emergency instructions, always put up the oxygen mask first on your mouth, before taking care of your kids. If you are empty and not stable within yourself, you cannot be a beacon for others.

The best way you can hep others is by becoming an example of possibilities, a beacon of choice. That is the way of love – only if you develop the love for yourself, you then are able to show others how to develop that same love for themselves. And truly loving others is only available from someone who is full of love for himself. Everything else is always an expression of an unfulfilled need, like I give you love, because I want you to love me back, since I don’t have enough love for myself within me. That is not love, that is a bargain of energetic exchange.

And one step for learning to love yourself is to allow yourself to express your feelings towards others freely and overcome the fear about their reactions. If your friend can’t handle you expressing your feelings, then you might ask how strong your friendship is anyway.

I know I have written my problem to you and I don’t know if you will respond, but if you could give me any advice on top of this article, it would be greatly appreciated.

I will continue to read your other articles and will try to learn to love myself more.

The only power you have is within you. You can detach yourself from all of this. Refuse to be a part of that game, acting like a puppy everytime your cousin pushes your triggers. You must become aware for yourself, who you are and what you are about. You must find the strength that comes from self-acceptance and self-love and once you are firmly grounded within yourself (this only takes a conscious decision that you no longer need the control of others) you can then express your opinions and tell your cousin as well as your aunt that you don’t care, what they think about you. You’ve made the decision to live your life the way you want it, and whether others like that or not is their decision. Don’t stay away from them because you feel vulnerable. Learn to be in her vicinity but in a detached way, with no interest in any outcome. Whether she likes or dislikes you – you should be fine. Whether she tries to manipulate you or not, you should be fine. As long as you know who you are and accept your own way of living, others opinions shouldn’t make you feel guilty.

Some people walk all over you, until you become strong enough to resist them. That is one way of the universe to make sure you become a strong person. You should thank your aunt and your cousin for becoming a chance for you to grow stronger through that conflict.

And from this strength – manipulation and badmouthing will stop – not because you changed the others, but you radiate a strength and power that won’t allow such interference from others.

Don’t be afraid of your aunt and your cousin. Send them honest prayers of love from your heart, but stand firm in your ground and become a rock of strength inside. You might also look at What Butterflies and Mountains can teach you about Self-Respect and How to Love Yourself – the Master Key for Your Life

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But that doesn’t mean that you must put up with his behavior. You can set up a rule that you don’t want to be lied to, and if he violates that rule for the n-th time, you can make a decision (e.g. leave him). It is a broken deal (and I know also a broken heart – I don’t want you to believe I don’t know what feelings are involved).

Although it is hard to do, we should differentiate between love and the feelings we associate with it. Love can not be hurt – but our expectations and beliefs can. With this I think that stating conditions are necessary and healthy for any being on this planet.

And it is normal to manipulate someone else, to get him to do something. I don’t know if we can free ourselves from this. But it might be a great start to ask yourself why you are doing it. From a deep place of love inside yourself – or from a place inside yourself that is hurt and wants to compensate this with gaining power over someone else. There are many shades of gray between these 2 extremes though.

Excellent points, Patrick, especially about the need to love yourself. I’ve always had trouble with the idea of unconditional love, thought, as it applies to love between adults. Can you love someone who often lies to you, for example? And, if not, does that mean that you’re imposing conditions on your love? And if you are imposing conditions, aren’t you doing that because you love yourself and won’t let yourself be treated in a disrespectful way?

Maybe one answer is to define an adult as someone who’s psychologically and emotionally healthy, someone who does not try to take manipulate others. What do you think?